My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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