I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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