Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
