tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
