I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
