I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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