I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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