you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
