everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
