We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
