Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
