I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
