Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
