I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
