I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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