He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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