I wish I could teleport
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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