My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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