I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
