cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
