Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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