upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
