My room smells like vodka and shame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
