walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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