Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
