Betty ford says i'm here all night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
