she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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