At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
