i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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