Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
