I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
