Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
