he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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