So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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