chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
