walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
