We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
