I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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