My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
