Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
