batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize