I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
