I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
