unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
