Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
