Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
