I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dick very happy bro
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
