His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
