There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
