they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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