I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
