Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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