when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
