In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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