They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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