Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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