Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she looked like the before picture.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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