I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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