good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
