That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
