I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
